Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
