If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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