jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Couch. On fire.
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