It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I will pee on everything he values.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Randomize