i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
