the day after is always just damage control
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
