birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
