I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
It's blow job season.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
