Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
