The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
