this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
