whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
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