you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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