This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
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