just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
