you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
