I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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