Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
