He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
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