If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
