Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
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