i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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