I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Someone came in the potted fern
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
