I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
