I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Houston, we have a squirter
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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