weddingsv make me drug and hornr
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
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