small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
