Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
