you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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