i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
