I can text with my tongue
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
