I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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