Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
