Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Randomize
