I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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