apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
