Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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