It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Randomize
