i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
