i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Randomize
