I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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