I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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