after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
