I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Randomize
