Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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