I wish life had little blips of pornography
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
