lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Randomize
