He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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