I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
