Duck Duck Cougar?
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Randomize
