um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
