did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
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