Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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