I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
It was confusing and full of hummus
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Randomize
