Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
