No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
