Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I cut my penus on the lid.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
