My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
