Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Randomize
