Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize