Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
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