North Korea, Best Korea!
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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