How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
it was like his penis was on wheels.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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