Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
We don't watch enough power rangers
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
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