So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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