I puked a lego.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Randomize
