The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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