you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
