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Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
