i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
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Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
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