My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
