Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
