Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
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