I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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