I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
