My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
My bed is full of blood and feathers
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
