Don't you send me to vm
Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
